Why is this always so hard?

So the spotting has started. I expect AF will be here right on time tomorrow. You know this isn't my first go around with this, I would think the heartbreak would get easier, but it never does. Working in my area's "favorite hospital to have a baby" doesn't help either. All day I see happy smiling families with their new babies and while I am happy for their joy, I can't help but get a little angry when I see the happy new 14 year old mom or the mom who is on kid # 12 either. I don't mean to sound judgemental or question God, I just don't understand why something that seems to happen for everyone around me is so hard for me. I'm a very happy loving person and I try really hard to keep a smile on my face and keep trucking along, but this situation has really floored me. This is the only thing in life I have ever truly wanted and I have no control over it happening. I'm trying to keep it together at work but all I want to do is cry. I think my partner and I have decided to take a real break from trying for awhile. We are going to start possibly looking at moving out of state in the next year or so to a place that fully recognizes our marriage and will have easier laws pertaining to her adopting the baby once we finally get to that point. This has been really hard for me to give up on for awhile, I really wanted this to happen by the time I turn 30, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen...