Another one bites the dust....

I decided to start this blog as an outlet for my journey and struggles to start a family with my partner. Postings and resources for same-sex couples are limited at best, so if this can reach one person that is going through what we are going through, I have succeeded. I know some of you that may have stumbled across this blog may say "you're struggling because same sex couples shouldn't have kids" etc etc. While I respect your opinion, I couldn't disagree with you more, and all I can really say that is that there are many people that have no business being parents gay and straight alike and just because a child does not have a "mother" and "father" does not mean that they are any less cared for, loved or become any less of a productive person than those raised in an "intact" heterosexual household. [End of Rant] My wife and I have been together for 6 years now, married for 4. I can honestly say they have been the 6 best years of my life. We are truly a family unit, and family is one of the most important things in our lives. We both have strong relationships with our respective families and want nothing more than to build a family of our own. While no relationship is perfect, I've yet to see one that is as close to it as ours. While my ideas of what I wanted in life have changed throughout the years, one thing has always been constant, I knew that I was born to be a mom. We began our journey to start a family last summer. We searched and searched to find a donor that had similar characteristics to that of my partner, finally we found the right one. I have PCOS and do not ovulate regularly, so fertility medication was a must for us. The first go around I did 50mg of Clomid days 5-9 and an Ovidrel shot on day 17. I went in for IUI the next day and had 3 good follicles. We were cautiously excited that we were going to be one of the rare first time success stories with IUI. Unfortunately I did not realize that the pregnancy hormones in Ovidrel made you into a crazy person. Every little twinge in my body made me feel like I was pregnant. 14 days later Aunt Flo came right on time. I was devestated, I was sure that it had worked. The next month, I decided I could not go through with the trigger shot again so soon, so we just waited for me to surge on my own and I went back for IUI for the second time. Like clockwork 14 days later, well you know the rest. The next go around, we decided we wanted to try at home (not IUI just the traditional AI) as we had never had anything close to the "traditional" way of trying to get pregnant.. We got the okay from the doctor, ordered our specimen and away we went. Let me just say, it was like a National Geographic expedition. We bought the wrong size needless syringe, had problems with insertion, pretty much everything you can think of. But at least we have a memory we can look back on and laugh about. That was less than successful, 14 days later, right on time. We decided to take some time off from trying, save some more money and give it ago this summer. This time around I tried Femera for the first cycle. Nada, no ovulation at all. The next month (this month) we did 100mg instead of our usual 50 of Clomid days 5-9. I ended up surging on my own on day 18 but went ahead with the Ovidrel trigger shot that morning and had a double IUI this time, one that afternoon and one the following afternoon. Everything looked perfect, I had 3 follicles again, 27mm, 24mm and 20 mm and my lining was at 12mm. We were sure this was the time. We gave it double the effort (and money) and this was going to be it. Of course I had a ton of "pregnancy" symptoms from the Ovidrel shot over the past two weeks. Monday night though I could feel her coming. I had a complete breakdown because I knew we were out for the month yet again. I wore a pad to bed that night sure I would start overnight. I woke up the next morning to nothing so I took a pregnancy test, it came back with a Big Fat Negative. A few minutes later, cue the orchestra, the red beast came to town....